To The Fairest Read online

  “Let’s go!”

  Rolling my eyes, I got to my feet and grabbed my purse. I’m sure I was overreacting, how bad could my doctor’s appointment go? Stick a thermometer in me, toss me some Flintstone vitamins, and I should be as good as new.

  Yeah.

  That’s what I would keep telling myself.

  * * * *

  There was a system to hospitals that I’d learned a while back.

  First off, even if there isn’t an emergency, you can pretty much start off in the emergency waiting room anyway. If you live in a small enough area, there won’t be a lot of people there and the folks in this part of the hospital generally get moved through quickly to make way for the next patient. Which brought me to my second point, which was that a real life emergency room was never as frenzied as the ones I saw on television. The area was actually sort of peaceful, and on top of all of that you got to see some pretty interesting afflictions.

  I was currently sitting next to a teenager with a broken arm and his harried-looking mother. As was proper, we didn’t make eye contact with one another. That was another thing about going to the emergency room. You never knew what was going on with certain people, and making eye contact could potentially obligate you to show sympathy by either A) smiling awkwardly or B) inclining your head in silent acceptance/understanding. Since I was 99.9% sure that my illness was more persistent than serious, I made sure not to look at anyone. Too nervous about seeing someone with real issues.

  “Alex Greyson?”

  I jumped a little at the sound of my own name despite the fact that I knew my turn was coming up. My head whipped around to look at Sam and he squeezed my hand.

  “Want me to come with?”

  My smile was shaky. “No. I’ll be all right.”

  Brow furrowing, he searched my features.

  “You sure?”

  I forced myself to relax, and for good measure, leaned over to plant a kiss on his cheek.

  “Now who’s being paranoid?” I teased, and he let me go with a guilty chuckle. I stepped around the kid with the broken arm and his mother, and though I tried to project confidence as I strode towards the waiting nurse, I couldn’t help but feel a flutter of nervousness in the pit of my stomach. The door I stepped through led down a long, fluorescent bright hallway and after filling out some paperwork I was placed in an empty room just off the entrance. Other than a bed, a sink, and a wall of cabinets that I probably wasn’t supposed to mess with, the room was almost depressingly empty and I sat on the edge of the cold reclining bed, butt planted firmly on the crinkly white paper that shrouded it, and swung my feet as I waited.

  Doctor Leon had been treating me since I was old enough to afford my own health insurance. She was a solemn woman, tinier than most, and kind. She had a habit of making awful jokes that you couldn’t help but laugh at because she thought they were so funny. I had a feeling that she might have gotten teased a lot in school. She just had that type of personality. Hell, even I had the urge to bully her sometimes and I usually found her fumbling attempts at social interaction endearing.

  “Alex.” She said, smiling. “I’m glad you were finally able to make it in.”

  “…yeah.” I mumbled. Not especially enthused.

  I sat silent and thoughtful as we ran a gamut of tests. The worst part wasn’t having my blood pressure or reflexes tested, instead it was peeing in a cup and handing it over for investigation. I’d never realized how protective I was of my own pee until a bunch of medical professionals demanded that I hand it over. Which was exactly what I did for about half an hour as I waited for Leon to get back with my results. When next she stepped inside of the room she seemed more solemn than before. Which didn’t exactly bode well in my opinion.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked immediately suspicious.

  Her eyes widened. “Nothing.” She assured me. Grabbing her rolling chair and pulling it up close to the bed. She had a folder in her hand, but the way she was focused so completely on me said that she’d already looked through the contents. Now that I examined her more closely I saw that there was an undercurrent of happiness beneath her professionally blank expression. “How do you feel about children, Alex?”

  “No.”

  “That’s…not really an answer.”

  “I’m not pregnant.” I told her.

  She lifted her folder and quirked an eyebrow. “The tests say differently, hun.”

  All I could do was shake my head in denial. My mind had gone blank and it felt harder than usual to focus. This couldn’t be happening. Leon must have done something wrong.

  “Run the tests again.” I told her abruptly, my fingers digging into the mattress.

  Leon shook her head and now she seemed almost pitying.

  “We ran them twice already. According to these results you’re nearly three months along.”

  There were so many things not okay about this. Sam and I had discussed children. It was a hard topic to avoid when we’d been engaged for the past three months. We’d agreed that children probably wouldn’t be a good idea. If we thought about them at all. Until now we were both under the impression that dragons and humans couldn’t procreate. Now that we’d been proven wrong, there was no telling what our offspring would be like, if any child of ours could live to term in the first place. And what about Sam’s little…issue?

  Ever since Zaran had rebuilt his heart, it had been harder and harder for Sam to control his Dragon. In some instances it was if there was something else living within him. Something powerful, dark, and hungry. What would he pass down to a child of ours? What would I?

  I couldn’t express any of these concerns to a human doctor however and before she could open her mouth to say something encouraging and prenatal, I slid off the bed and to my feet.

  “I’ve got to go.”

  Doctor Leon stood and reached out to touch my shoulder as I gathered my things.

  “Alex?” She began. “We can talk about this. You don’t have to go through with this pregnancy if you’re that opposed to having children. You have options—”

  Ice filled me and I shivered.

  I did have options.

  But did I even want to entertain those kinds of thoughts when I couldn’t be sure if something was wrong? It was too soon to be thinking about this. I forced a smile.

  “Thanks.” I told her. “But this is happening really fast. I just need some time to…to process. Or something.” I moved to step around her and she followed me from the room.

  “You should stay for a while longer.” She said. “We need to get you checked out, make sure there are no complications with the pregnancy.”

  Jesus. Would our baby’s blood test even come back human?

  I waved her off. “I have some other errands to run.” I lied. “I’ll have to reschedule.”

  “We both know how well that worked out the first time.” She grumbled, and my fingers tightened painfully around the straps of my purse.

  “I’ll be back.” I said, feeling grim and off kilter. “I promise.”

  And I would be.

  I didn’t really see a way around it.

  Chapter Two

  I was silent as we drove back home.

  The wind was whipping my hair out behind me and I buried my face against the middle of Sam’s back as we wove through traffic. I could hear his heart beating and my arms tightened around his waist. I hadn’t told him about the Doctor’s prognosis. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t really want to think about it, but knew that I’d have to face facts sooner rather than later.

  I’d have to break the news to Sam.

  I knew without a doubt that he would be ecstatic.

  Sam had never been under the impression that he would be able to have children. At first he’d been too focused on controlling the clutch. Then he’d gotten sick. Even if the tumor in his brain hadn’t been killing off his people one by one, there had been no reason for him to think that that he’d live long enough to have off
spring. Things had been very different ever since I’d eaten his heart and Zaran had given him a new one. Sam had his second chance.

  We both did. And the world had been alight with possibility. I knew that in his heart of hearts, he wanted children. But there were so many things that could go wrong. So many ways in which this pregnancy could shatter our burgeoning happiness. I just needed to get used to the idea of it. Figure out whether or not our baby had a chance at a normal life, or even a chance at a life at all.

  Then, and only then, would I tell Sam what was happening.

  I hadn’t told him about my desire to see Rachel, but when I glanced up again I realized that we were heading to her house instead of back to the apartment. He pulled to a halt outside of Rachel and Chris’s new townhome, and I met his eyes curiously as he turned to look at me over his shoulder.

  “What are we doing here?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “You looked down. Since you won’t tell me what’s wrong I figured you could do with a little sexual healing.”

  I grinned.

  “I thought that was your job, not Rachel’s.”

  He smirked. “It is. The sex part comes afterwards.”

  I chuckled as I swung off the back of the bike.

  Going up to the front door I rang the doorbell without much hope that anyone would answer. If she was screening my calls there was little to no chance that she would open the door. So I jumped when it actually swung aside and I met Chris’s gaze. My brother grinned, obviously pleased to see me and wrapped me up in a spontaneous hug. Between being turned into a frog and rescuing Rachel, Chris and I hadn’t had a lot of chances to hang out. We tried to meet up at least once a week, but I knew he was still hesitant about having a real relationship with me since I was still on speaking terms with Danielle.

  While he seemed to understand that I had made promises that I had to keep, that didn’t keep him from disapproving of the situation. Besides giving my word to train with her, Danielle was the only Widow around that I could learn from. Even if coercion had jumpstarted our relationship, necessity and even interest had kept it going.

  But it was easy to forget about all of that when I was hugging Chris.

  I didn’t remember him. I’d been so young when Danielle had cursed him after all. But it was comforting to find my roots in someone who wasn’t the embodiment of evil. To have a family. A connection. No matter how much time we had lost, I found it natural to love him like family. As if I’d been doing it all along. I hoped desperately that we’d be able to grow closer in the sibling department, if only so that I could have family other than Danielle to lay claim to, but understood that it would take time.

  He pulled back to look me up and down and his brows furrowed.

  “You look like crap.” He said with a frown.

  My mouth lifted in a half smile. “Thanks.”

  “Come in.” He pulled me into the house after him and I barely had time to wave goodbye to Sam before the door closed. I heard his bike rev up as he rode off. I’d call him when I was ready to leave. I had no idea if he had other plans or if he knew that I wanted some alone time with Chris, and hopefully Rachel. Chris took me to the living room and I sat down while he wandered into the kitchen to make drinks.

  “Where’s Rachel?” I asked, resting my chin on the back of the couch so that I could watch him moving about.

  Back still to me, he shrugged.

  “She’s having lunch with her mother.”

  “Ah.” I murmured. Lillian Dupree was what most would call a drama queen. Lillian preferred thinking of herself as a Diva. Personally I viewed her as a little bit of both. “That sounds fun.”

  He snorted and came back with our drinks. The coke tasted overly sweet, as if I could taste the syrup as it went down, and I sat it down with a hidden grimace of distaste. Feeling slightly sick, I forced a smile.

  “So, how are things going?”

  He shrugged as he sat across from me.

  “Pretty good.” He smiled. “Turns out I’m pretty fond of Rachel so it’s not so bad.”

  “How’s the whole—?” I waved my hand around my forehead and he laughed.

  “The headaches don’t bother me as long as I accept the magic. If I fight it, the recoil can get out of hand. At least this way I won’t end up flooding the neighborhood.”

  I grinned. “We appreciate you not doing that by the way.”

  “Eh. It’s the least I can do.”

  Leaning back in his seat, his eyes narrowed on me and I shifted guiltily without really knowing why.

  “So what’s going on?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean you show up on our doorstep looking like someone just ran over your dog.”

  My laugh was stiff and uncomfortable. “I just wanted to see Rachel is all. We haven’t talked in a while.”

  His face darkened and his jaw tightened.

  “Rachel’s been distracted lately.” He explained.

  “What’s wrong with her?” I asked, growing concerned.

  But Chris just shook his head and sighed.

  “I have no idea. She won’t tell me. But she hasn’t been sleeping and she seems—” he hesitated and I noted the helplessness in his expression for the first time. “Different.”

  I grew thoughtful, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip as worry planted butterflies in my stomach. Chris leaned forward in his seat and the motion captured my attention again.

  “I can’t help her.” He said quietly. “Not yet anyway. But maybe, if you let me, I can help you.”

  My throat grew tight and I glanced down at my lap. I hadn’t realized until just then that my fingers were twisting in the material of my jeans and I forced myself to relax.

  “Do you—?” I cleared my throat, unsure whether or not I wanted to bring it up but desperately needing someone to talk to about it. “Do you ever think about kids?”

  He blinked owlishly, and at the expression of blank confusion on his face I almost burst out laughing.

  “Not really.” He said finally.

  My shoulders slumped and he hurried to add, “But then, I never thought about a lot of things until now.” He took a sip of his drink before continuing. “I never thought I’d have a normal life.” He told me. “I thought I’d die there, surrounded by fake rocks and a plastic castle. When I thought about living, about having a normal life, I used to wonder what it would be like to have a wife. Kids. But—” he shrugged. “But I never took those thoughts too seriously you know? It was like, wishing for any sort of happiness was my mind’s way of torturing me. So I just stopped. I figured Danielle was doing a good enough job on that front that she didn’t need any help from me.”

  I blinked rapidly to push back the rising tears.

  “I am so, so, sorry.” I said hoarsely. “If I—”

  “Don’t.” He interrupted.

  I sniffed, feeling miserable and like the worst sort of betrayer. “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t beat yourself up about Danielle.” His eyes were shrewd. “She’s your mother. You love her. More than that, you need her now that you’re trying to control your magic. I’m not going to hold that against you.”

  I sensed a ‘but’. “But—?” I encouraged him to finish his thought and he obliged only after the briefest of pauses.

  “But I don’t trust you.” He shook his head. “I can’t.” At my expression he grimaced. “My head tells me that you’re not to blame. That just because you were raised by her doesn’t mean you’re anything like her. But my heart says differently.”

  “What does your heart say exactly?”

  “It says that at the end of the day, you’re still a Black Widow. That Danielle must be keeping you around for a reason. I may not know what that reason is yet, but considering her track record it probably isn’t anything good.”

  * * * *

  We tried dragging the visit out for a little longer, but the conversation was so stilted and uncomfortable that I called Sam not long after tha
t. If anything, the visit had brought my spirits even lower than the idea of pregnancy had. Sam must have seen something in my expression because he gripped the hand I placed around his waist the entire ride back home. The warmth of his body offered some comfort, but didn’t erase the overwhelming desire to just climb into my bed and cry.

  As I lay there, face buried in my pillow, I couldn’t help but think about how much I missed Maleficent. She was as close to a positive female role model that I had (sadly enough) and ever since she’d first shaken her ass in my face I’d felt strangely attached to her. Maybe it was because she was my ‘Fairy Godmother’ or maybe I simply liked her pizzazz. Either way, I missed having her around about as much as I missed my best friend. I wonder what she would have thought about my situation with Chris. How she would have reacted at the thought of Sam and I having a baby. To be honest, any reaction she had probably would have made the entire thing worse in addition to making me feel sorry for myself, but I couldn’t help but want to talk it over with her anyway.

  I groaned.

  I was pitiful.

  For what felt like the hundredth time, I tried summoning her.

  “Maleficent. Maleficent. Maleficent.”

  Nothing. I shouldn’t have been surprised. She’d stopped answering my calls, all of our calls, around the same time I’d started feeling like crap. In fact, when I thought about it, Rachel withdrawing, Maleficent disappearing, and my pregnancy had all happened within a span of a few days of each other. I didn’t know what, if anything, that could all mean but I didn’t appreciate the happenstance. I shook the worry away and closed my eyes. More likely than not I was looking for monsters where there were only shadows. I was probably a paranoid mess because of the hormones. But even as I drifted off to sleep, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something to my paranoia after all.